"She’s mad, but she’s magic. There’s no lie in her fire." -Charles Bukowski
Life is such a strange thing. People focus so much on the past that they can’t enjoy what is right in front of them. I am one of those people. I have always been nostalgic by nature; I have been this way my whole life. I have looked back on things that weren’t even all that great and want to go back. It is the most bizarre thing how much the nostalgia can creep into me and convince me that I should miss things that I shouldn’t.
My last long relationship of 4 years was young, dumb, happy, sad, and everything in between. The way it ended was not civil nor mutual; it was as volatile as our relationship. Lately, however, I am finding myself looking back way too much, as I am dating a perfect boy who treats me wonderfully. Why is nostalgia now pulling me back to such an unhappy time? I’ll never understand.
Not only does looking back affect me, but running into people I wish I hadn’t. That pulls me back years and affects my attitude more than I care to admit. But why? I have a great guy in my life that is a sweetheart; why am I thinking about things I shouldn’t?
All we have is here and now. If we hold onto the terrible and wonderful things we have experienced in our youth, where would be? We would not be moving forward. This is what I have struggled with: not being able to let go, be free, and move on.
I’m moving on with full force. I’m not letting my demons grab a hold of me anymore.